You are your own scorecard

Often in life, we like to show people things that we do, things that we achieve, things that we learn.

Growing up is when you realize there is no scorecard or result slip.
When you learn something, there is no one to grade you, there is no need to seek approval or satisfaction from anyone.

When you learn something, it's because it makes you a better person, and you need it to be part of you.

Don't take things personally

Don't take things personally, an advise which we commonly hear, not difficult to practice.

The matter of fact is, it is easy to take things objectively when you have some level of indifference to it. But if it is something that actually matter and affects you consciously or unconsciously, you still tend to react defensively.

Despite my best efforts to stay clear headed in all situations, I still find myself reacting childishly in 2 aspects: attitude towards family, and sensitive towards comments relating to my ability.

Reason for that is actually quite simple, ego and inconfidence.

My family has a culture of being stingy with compliments because of my mom. We never give people the credit they deserve - in fear that they will become over confident. I know it's weird, but true. Hence there is another culture in response to that, we are in a constant need to seek approval from others. And being the youngest child where your opinion almost never matters made things worse. This ultimately led to a comment on me: "你像個小孩子，就是要耍耍脾氣". Which actually is very true, I thought I was standing my ground and making my opinions heard, but in retrospect, that was actually pretty childish of me. I was just trying to seek attention.

There is nothing to prove, and nothing to be won - family is family. At the end of the day, they are the closest that we will have. They are different, and they will behave differently from what I expect from them. And I really should respect that. And respecting that doesn't mean that I have to change to accommodate them, doesn't mean that I have "lost". I took it too personally because I took offence with my ego. There is nothing personally and nothing to win/lose. It's just a part of how people live with each other.

And because of this subconscious need to always prove myself, I also become extremely defensive whenever there are any comments remotely related to my ability. I would try to prove that what I do is complex and of high value, and that I am paid well. Again, there is really nothing to prove. As long as you are satisfied that you are fulfilling your job role, it is good enough, there is nothing to compare. And people weren't trying to attack you with those comments in the first place.

Things that people sometimes say or do were not targeted towards me, but I was over sensitive and made myself the target.

Two wrongs doesn't make one right

When someone do something stupid or selfish, it is normal to adopt a 你不仁我不義 stance and respond with equal unpleasantness. However, you may be judged by others who don't know the entire story and attributed for all the misgivings.

But when someone does something that puts you at a disadvantage, how can you protect yourself?

1. 先發制人
Be constantly vigilant and take preemptive strikes the moment you sense something is wrong, before they have the chance to hurt you.

2. 深藏不露
Striking first doesn't mean strike-anyhow. Always make preparations and strike with power and accuracy only when you are ready. Never do or say anything until you are 100% sure.

3. 寧可我負天下人，不可天下人負我
There is really only a small group of people you need to care about: your loved ones, your close friends.
You need to be clear of your circle of trust. Simply put, the only person who I should trust and can understand how I think and feel is her - and that is enough.

While 曹操 may have said this because he's a selfish and narcissistic ass, to me this means that you really only need to care about those who are important to you.
Others are disposable and sacrifice-able when necessary to protect my own interests.
I must stand strong and protect what is most important to me.

Have patience

If you think you know something, don't talk about it.
Play along until you get the full answer.

It is better to know and have others thinking that you don't know about it.
Remember: don't go around showing that you know stuff, because there's nothing to show off - you're just mishandling and leaking out information.

Defer judgement

There's a difference between having an opinion and rubbing your dick in others' face.

太魯莽，太草率。
Too rush, too quick to judge.

This gives the impression that although I am capable, I am too easy to read and too easily influenced.
Either one is bad enough, combination of both is worse. Because not only that I'm easy to be influenced, it's easy for others to know that I'm easily influenced too.

The experienced and wise listens more than they speak.

Only offer your opinion when asked.
Even then, offer only what they need to know of your perspective, not everything.

I was too green, naive, and impatient.
Have not gone through similar incidents.
Was in an impatient mood because of fear of losing opportunities.

To make things worse, I was trying to soothe my own ego by attracting attention to myself. But it was all bad attention.

I was wrong, you cannot draw conclusion based on available information and update later.
You have to see clearly and defer judgement.

Besides, don't judge too soon, some people may not be what they seem like initially.
You may be able to be 80% right based on first impressions, but there is still a 20% chance that they may be better or worse than what you initial think.

Yes, I needed to make quick judgement to decide if I should take the job before the opportunity runs away. But nobody needs to know about what I was thinking about.

I suppose I was really lonely, there was hardly anyone I can talk to.
So I turned to talking everywhere.
But now I am clear that she should be the only one in my circle of confidence.
Finally, I have someone who I can trust, and understand what I'm talking about, and offer advise and opinions on what I'm going through.

謠言止于智者

Still clearing up my reputation from the mood swing I had at work. Took a valuable lesson on information management. And strangely, it felt like a deja vu.

No matter where you go, as long as there are people, there is bound to be politics, gossips, rumours.

When you hear a piece of sensational news, what do you do with this piece of information?

I do the most stupid thing: spread it. Show off that I knew a lot of insider information.

As of the situation now, it doesn't matter if the information was accurate, whether I had been used or not. The key is, I mishandled information.

謠言止于智者。聽就好，不要傳。

Because when you distribute misinformation, it doesn't matter who started it, you will take the blame since you attracted the most attention.

Next time, no matter what you hear, take it with a pinch of salt. Act like you don't know anything at all.

靜

Been away from work recently. 2 weeks of sort-of break allowed me to quieten down and put my work life into perspective.

Silence is gold; keep your mouth shut.

Work is work. Focus on fulfilling the roles and responsibilities of your job. Avoid doing or saying things which are unconstructive towards your career development. Comments which are smart aleck and to soothe your own ego and emotions are unncessary and unprofessional. They serve only as temporary pleasure.

Do not jeopardize your own development just to look smart - you are not being smart at all by saying stupid things.

Remember that still water runs deep. Keep all your emotions and thoughts deep and hidden in your mind. Say and do only those which are helpful to you.

A message to the one I have loved and hurt so much

Hi Alwina,

If you are still reading my blog, you might have known that I have found someone.

While attempting to put away the cards and letters you wrote to me, I read through some of them, and that really brought tears to my eyes. I know that I have already moved on, but going through those words from you still overwhelmed me with emotions. I felt that I have to let you know what I feel.

I realized that I have been really selfish, and the entire breakup was really just all about me not getting what I desire. You actually sensed that we were moving apart as early as last anniversary.

I'm really sorry for giving up on the relationship, especially after hanging on for 3.5 years. I hope that you were really happy during the times we were together. It was painful for me to accept your love, as the more you loved me, the more guilty I am for not being able to accept you for who you are. I truly loved you, and the biggest reason why I hung on to the relationship for such a long time was because I was afraid to see you sad, I was afraid to see you having to lead a life without me. But eventually I realized that we would do much better going in a separate path. 愛一個人就要懂得放手, that's why I chose to let go, I could not see a future with you where we do not hurt each other. I'm sorry.

I really hope you are doing well. I hope you can find someone who loves you, and appreciate you for who you are - appreciate the love that you give to him. I hope you find happiness.

Life has been rocky for me, my job is chaotic as usual, especially now with the uncertainties of me staying or leaving the company. But I know I'll be alright with her.

As we have dated before, and for such a long time, I felt that I should be accountable to you that I have moved on and found someone else, especially after such a short time since our breakup. It was purely coincidence that I met her, and it was like fate that we each have a past which makes us resonate so well together.

Moving forward, there are bound to be more writings on my life, since this blog is to keep track of thoughts and emotions which are in my head. Which means that there will be more writings of my new love with her as well. You are more than welcomed to continue reading my blog, since we have agreed to stay as friends, but I just felt that I needed to clarify this to prevent anymore hurt to you even after our breakup.

Best Wishes,
Snorlax

Always go back to why you started

It gives you insights to the original intent, allowing you to stay true to your direction and see any deviation from your direction.

It's easy to get lost and distracted by things going on at some moment. But sometimes, when you look back at the reason for starting out, it reminds you why you began in the first place. It tells you that despite all the messy things going on, the reason has not changed at all, your path is still the same. This gives you clarity of vision on your journey, and the strength to carry on.

The converse is also true. When you look back and realize that things have changed already, and whatever reason for starting out is no longer valid, then you know that your path was incorrect, and there's no need to persist on the journey.

I've been through both before, remembering why you started always gives you the answer.

Let's talk about something more relevant currently: my new found journey. I have always been impatient, rushing into things, and giving up when the going gets tough. This is a reminder to myself, a checkpoint of why I chose to start with her.

I have lived life thus far without any meaning; I even wrote a 3 part series on "Life has no meaning". For the first time in my life, I feel like there is something to live for, there is finally meaning to my life. More precisely, I decided that she is what I would give my life for, she is the meaning of my life.

It may, of course, be too early to be drawing a conclusion like this just after 2 months of dating. But this is the checkpoint of the journey, this is the reason why I started.

The biggest reason is how she reminds me of myself. Looking at her is somewhat like a reflection of the kind of person I am. The things which she thinks about, the revelations she has after thinking them through, these are the same things which I had pondered on, and why I am who I am today - why I chose and strive to be the composed anchor. This gives me strength as seeing her go through what I've been through gives me great confidence that where I am going is correct, and this motivates me to become even stronger. So that I can be there for her at each step of the way.

The way she manages my ego and emotions is even more attractive. Behind every successful man, there is a smart women. The way she understands what I say, how I feel already make me feel blessed. But she takes it even further when she is able to understand how I feel even before I say anything. This kind of sensitivity tells me how much she cares, and makes me feel well taken care of.

Furthermore, she is even smart and emotionally sensitive enough to tell me things which I needs to listen in a way which I would accept it. She can even use my own philosophy to remind me to stay true to myself.

Some time down the road, I will face dark times, I will be depressed - my dark emotional, arrogant, sarcastic and passive aggressive self will reveal itself. The gentle giant may rage into a rampaging and trashing gigantic demon. But I know she knows how to handle my devil, and sayang it back into the gentle giant that I am for her.

Her never ending dreamy aspirations reminds me of my desire to fly, but never did fly due to my decision to stay on the ground. For her, I am the anchor reminding her to keep going back to basics. For me, she is the reason why I will always need to hold my ground strongly, be the strong base for her, 做她最安全的避風港.

Be objective, be composed

Things happen, good or bad. Sometimes for a reason, sometimes for no reason at all. It's how you decide to react to it that determines its effect on you.

Being sarcastic and passive aggressive about things does not solve anything. It makes things worse. I've learned this the hard way, as usual.

Always stay objective. Underpaid? Unappreciated? But no way to change things in the current environment?

Work hard to change what you can, or change the environment. But work silently in the background. Nobody needs to know what you are planning. There is nothing to show off.

Learn from the water which runs deep and violent under the ocean, yet show nothing but peace and calm on the surface. Plan wisely, quietly, prudently; strike in a sudden sweep and strike hard like the tsunami.

Lessons from work

I've been behaving like an idiot, a spoiled kid at work. Very unprofessional, jeopardizing my own progress.

Remember, the really powerful ones are those who strike without making a sound. Empty vessels really do make the most noise. I must learn to be more restrained, still and deep like the ocean. 深藏不露 is the key to success.

Keep information to yourself. The more you know, the better, but others do not need to know. Don't even go about verifying your intel. Listen, observe, and don't say a word.

Keep your emotions to yourself. No matter how unhappy you are about your job, keep it to yourself. No matter what happens, never show your emotions at work, especially negativity. It portrays a bad image of yourself.

Still haven't learned to keep your mouth shut

Think you're smart? Think you're popular?
Think going around shooting your mouth off, being a sarcastic smart aleck is cool?

You were being used.

Information that you knew were leaked to you on purpose.
Others were trying to use your big mouth to spread rumors, and you fell right into the trap.

Every move you make, every step you take, every word you speak, people are watching you, judging you.

Watch yourself, watch your words, 檢點一點。

Don't get yourself unwanted attention. Keep information to yourself. Listen more, talk less.
You may think that no one is listening, but the fact is, everyone is silently judging you without you knowing. Just because they don't say, doesn't mean they don't know. And when they know more about you than you know it, you are giving them strength, and rendering yourself weak.

是我想太多

事情往往沒有我想的那麽複雜。所有的問題都是自己想出來的。

Assuming the worst possible scenario is the weakest form of self defense. You try to prepare yourself for the worst, then tell yourself to accept it, and it doesn't matter.

Sometimes, all you need to do is ask. Information is the most powerful tool. Lack of information is your worst nightmare. I tried to fill in gaps of information with horrid imagination, making it seem like the worst possible scenario.

But this is not only damaging to yourself, but damaging to other parties involved as well. You are essentially making assumptions and judgement of people, deciding things for them even before they do. It is not a fair judgement; it is not what they want or what they would have chosen. You did not respect their rights in the involvement.

At the same time, you bring yourself down to the lowest and label yourself "un-kill-able" as you have already brought yourself to the lowest, and they can't put you down anymore. No expectations = no disappointments, right? Seriously, bullshit. This is again a weak way of defending your emotions. by conceding defeat before the fight, you deny others of "winning". But the biggest loser is your own self. You have already lost respect of yourself, how would you expect others to respect you?

So please, do yourself a favor. Before you go around assuming, judging and making decisions for others, please ask them for their side of the story and their opinions first. Learn to respect others, learn to respect yourself.

心如直水

以平常心去應對生命中的每一個低潮。

人生本來就是沒有意義的。

既然沒有意義，又何處來的憂愁?

既然已經決定了，再在意就是不對。

而且結果其實已經早就猜到了。

別再想了。

最大的願望就是悄悄地從地球表面消失

我okay的，我永遠衹是個可有可無的配角，我習慣的做著可有可無的配角。

Stand and fight, rise up to the challenge

Here's what challenging yourself is about: whenever you start to think that something cannot be done, throw yourself into the other side, seek out ways to do it and defeat the side of you which said it cannot be done.

There are a million ways which things can fail, and only few ways to succeed. Manage the ways which things can fail so that their risks reduce to the minimum. Seek out the few ways to succeed and focus on them until you succeed.

Things do not fail until they do. Failures cannot affect you until you let them. Have no fear, don't worry about failures. Focusing on lose rates consumes you and you develop a habit of giving up so that you won't get disappointed.

Don't count your eggs before they are hatched

I realized why I was spending recklessly.

I was spending like I have that kind of paycheck before it come.
I did not manage my expectations right.

"Decide the lifestyle you want to lead and fight for the paycheck to sustain it" is a dangerous way of living.

You may be biting off more than you can chew.

To think of it, I may not even be ready for that kind of stress and effort required.

錢，原來真的很重要

Declined a job job offer because it didn't meet my 20% increment. Reasons are clear and correct, and the job does have a lot of risks involved. But it felt like I have just lost money. Although it didn't meet the 20%, the increment is still very good - and it would have put me 3 years ahead of schedule to meet that magic number.

This made me reflect on the way I have been spending money. I have been throwing money away. 做老板 anyhow open bottle, over drinking until go hospital, buying luxurious new stuff, randomly agreeing to go overseas without thinking. I thought that getting a car is a waste of money, but the way I'm spending money is even worse.

I realized that I may not be as open minded about money as I thought. I realized that actually 我把錢看得挺重的. Spending money without thinking is not something I can afford.

But further thinking made me realize that I have been slack and lazy, I have not put in my 100% - not even 50%.  I would like to blame my 損友s for always going early happy hours instead of working, but I realized that I have only myself to blame for leading this kind of lifestyle and drinking excessively. The time wasted by this lifestyle is not just the time spent drinking, but also the overhead caused by energy drain of drinking.

Go work at 11am, talk cock for 1 hour, go for 2 hours lunch from 12-2pm, meeting for 2 hours 2-4pm, go drink kopi or early happy hour from 4pm onward. 這樣的生活很爽吧?

What the fuck, seriously what the fuck was I thinking?

I spent much of my time slacking off and not working at all. Go drinking 3-4 times a week. So much time and money wasted. Once again, seriously, what the fuck?

Once again, with the compliments which I have been getting, I became too full of myself, I was complacent. It is true that 50% of my effort is better than 100% of others, but I let myself down by not fulfilling my potential. Remember, always remember that you should live out your full potential.

Fortunately, I realized this problem early, even though a lot of money has been wasted. Time to put myself back together and stay focused and disciplined.

Don't decide for others before they do

Do not assume that other's decision would be the worst case scenario.
It's just a weak way of managing your expectations so that you won't get disappointed.
In doing so, you are actually making that decision for them.
This may jeopardize the outcome and make it as bad as what you assumed it to be.

90KG

Made record today, for the first time in like 6 years, my weight is 90.0 KG.

Persistance, perseverance, conviction.

Active lifestyle has been really good for me. Generally more motivated and energetic.

No need for special workout, just daily quick exercises. Once right after waking up, once before going to sleep.

24× pushup
16× bicycle crunch
36× hip raise
20× leg raise
12× side crunch (per side)
20× reverse pushup

Numbers are weird, somehow I can do quite a number of hip raises, but weak in the bicycle crunch. But these numbers are already double of what I can do when I first started.

Keep on moving, keep on improving.

Ego is a sign of weakness

Ego is a weakness. The need of self justification stems from insecurity.

You will find peace if you can truly let go of your ego.

Don't ask why, ask why not

Some times you really should be asking why not instead of why.

If you ask why, it would be difficult to find reasons to do what you are supposed to do, then laziness kicks in and you end up generating excuses to avoid doing it.

If you ask why not, you will find that the excuses which are preventing you from doing it is weak. These excuses will then shatter and your path ahead will be cleared.

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits (Part 2)

I have always been an impatient person.

I am objective oriented and have always been able to see what is there at the end of the line.

However, that precious foresight which I have becomes my poison.

Being able to see the end made life boring, made me feel like I am just waiting for time to pass, and there is no purpose in life since I have already anticipated the endpoint scenarios.

Little did I realize how wrong I was to neglect the process. I thought that process is pointless and the result is everything. But I had not realize that it is the process which makes me who I am – life is about getting there, wherever “there” is isn’t the point.

I once said that “You will learn patience when you learn to qualify the rewards at the end of the line.”

But that is not the whole part - patience is really about perseverance in spending the effort to reach that end.

I have always been trying to take shortcuts in life, and my very intelligence has enabled that. But sometimes there are no shortcuts, most relevant example is love. You have to take one step at a time to get closer and learn about each other.

If the other person is not ready, keep up the effort to make sure that when she is ready, you are there.

She needs time to close her previous wound, and she needs time to grow on you.

I used to think that “it’s either we will be together or we will not, might as well just dive straight in”. This cannot be more wrong. And this is precisely the mistake I have made in my previous relationship, and wasted 3.5 years of our time.

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.

This  means that in whatever you do, you have to put your best foot forward and have the patience to see it through the end. Things that you want will then come to you naturally.

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits

Sir Thomas Edison, you are a genius. The answer was there all along, summarized in a concise line.

To me, this is the most accurate description of patience. Patience is not about waiting for things to happen, but about having the perserverance to press on and keep up the effort until the results come.

Good things come to those who wait but only the things left by those who hustle.
But not everything can be hustled.
Love is one of them.
So you must wait.

But while you wait, you should hustle and continue to put in effort, so that it will eventually come to you (instead of someone else).

爲了光輝嵗月

天地間任我展翅高飛
雖説那是天真的預言

風中揮舞狂亂的雙手
寫下燦爛的詩篇
不管有多麽疲倦
潮來潮往世界多變遷
迎接光輝嵗月
爲它一生奉獻

I'm in control

I used to feed on negativity. But little did I know, it was feeding on me, and it consumed me from the inside.

Now I know that it is not zero that I am looking for.

Just because I was afraid of failure and disappointment, I tried to detach myself from all feelings; I did not allow myself to be happy because I was afraid that happiness would be taken away from me.

But now I know that I was wrong.

Happy is good, I have the rights and I should go all out and enjoy every moment of joy.

It is the negativity which I need to control; now I have finally identified the true enemy, and now I can finally stand up against it.

Now I will control negativity, I will not let it affect me anymore.

Empower yourself

Why do you feel sad?

Did something not go your way?
Did you expect it to go your way?
Did you not expect that the result would be a possible scenario?

While there are no reasons to be happy, there is no actual reason to be sad too.
Remember that there is nothing. There is literally nothing.
If you start with nothing, and you end with nothing, then what is there to care about?
If you care for nothing, then what is there to be sad about?

If you understand and remember this, you will feel the stillness of deep water, and whatever happened is just a small disturbance which would ultimately fade away.

Manage your emotions.
Mood management is about managing the lows.
Happy is good, when you feel happy, just enjoy your happiness.
It's the lows which needs to be managed, because they seep into your core and poison you from within.
It's how you manage your low emotions that matters.

Remember how good you are, how far you have came, and the things which you can achieve that others cannot even hope to dream of.
Things are not that hard when you realize there is nothing that cannot be done.
You can do anything.

Furthermore, since you have nothing better to do, do something.

Drop all your troubles, worries and sorrows; live the moment.
放下所有烦恼，享受现在生命在这一刻 ，活在当下。

原諒我這一生不羈放縱愛自由

Pain is good for you

Pain is good, pain is a sign that your body is reacting to the conditions.

Be it psychological or physical, pain is your body bitching about what you are going through.

Remember this: no pain, no gain.

Through all the pain, you will emerge a better and stronger person.

What that doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Success is really like lottery

Why do people buy the lottery?
Do they really expect to win with such a slim chance?

No. It's because if they don't buy, the chance of winning is zero.

There's a million ways things can fail, and only few ways it can succeed.

But if you don't do it, there is no way to succeed.

So don't say there's no point just because chances are slim.
Carpe diem, just do it.
You have nothing to lose.

Besides, it's not like you have anything better to do.

Stay focused

Set your goals, don't stop until you have achieved them.

I will stop at nothing until I achieved my goals.

Manage your time, your work, not manage your expectations.
Expect only the best of yourself.

I have no idea how to do it, but I will do it.
I will find ways and means to do it, and stop at nothing until I have done it.

Stop giving up

There are a million ways that things can fail.

The only way that you can succeed is through determination, conviction, and commitment.

I'm a man who is very hard to kill

I'm like a cockroach.

You can keep trying to bring me down, but I will keep coming back up.

Set your goals, find ways to achieve it. It's that simple.

Decide what you want to do, then find means to do it.
Decide what you want to have, then find ways to have it.

If you keep thinking about your current status, you will never move.

This is an extension of Do not let your paycheck determine your lifestyle

You cannot change the world.

But why would you want to change the world?

I say fuck the world, care about yourself.

Gaining perspective from others

Once in a while, you meet people who have been through so much more than you that you start reflecting on your own life.

Looking at what others have been through really gives you perspective on your own life.

My life is relatively smooth, I hardly had to fight for anything and things come to me naturally.
With an intelligence like mine, I'm practically living life with a cheat code.

Hence, the source of my frustration really comes from within: me being a little bitch.

If you keep racing against others and counting things which you lack, you would only find misery.

I've said it before, but I didn't actually understand what it means.
It seems you really need to get a feel of the shit others went through to get a feel of how blessed your life is.

Pessimism was a defence mechanism, but the actual concept should really be 要得过且过才好过

Nobody understands you (Part 2)

If you used your perspective to judge others' lives, it would not make sense to them.

Same logic for the vice versa.
That's why it feels like nobody ever understand how you feel, what you are going through.

What you need then, is someone with similar perspective as you.

Don't think about changing the world

Who am I to change the world if I cannot even help myself?
Changes start with you.

Sometimes "because you can" is a good reason

My motivation? I am ridiculously good, if I can't do it, no one else can.

Drawing strength from negativity

How do you kill a man who is already dead inside?

My strength does not come from mindless optimism or motivation; my strength comes from the fact that I am already dead. Each day that passes, everything that I achieve is already a bonus.

When you try to put me down, you can't. I can't go any lower.

Nobody understands you

Nobody understands you, but it's not their fault, neither is it yours.
Different people just have different perspective. Period.

I can't force others to see the world the way that I do.
I will face my world alone, and hope that others will never need to spend a moment in that world.

Feeling lonely?

What you're missing isn't her. It's the companionship of having someone to hold.

Don't fight pointless battles

Don't clash ego with someone you cannot win.
Smart alec responses can have disastrous consequences.

People don't like to hear the truth

People don't like it when you point out that they are stupid.
People don't like to hear the truth, they like to hear what they want to hear.

We accept the truth which we choose to believe.

I do because I can

I don't know what I'm doing, I do because I can.
I'm hoping that my life would make sense of itself.

既然決定了一個人走，爲何還一直依依不捨，猶豫不決？

I guess it's really hard to be contented with life when you don't know what you are looking for.

This is how we do things

Right or wrong doesn't matter. Best Practice doesn't matter. "In the long run" doesn't matter.

Ignore the underlying problem, don't care about the root cause, continue to apply break-fix patches to alleviate the surface issues.

When new problems arise, just keep applying surface break-fix patches to un-problemize them.

Because it's not your job to care, you are not being paid or recognized to do things beyond your own bowl. Why puke blood to do the right thing?

It's not as simple as switching it off

So much misery, that dying would actually be a blessing to me. But how do I drop off this load of misery?

Could my problems be self-created? Perhaps.

But how do you un-create them when these feels so real right now?

Do not concern yourself with things which are outside your circle of influence. Yet these things have a habit of concerning you.

Even if you manage to avoid them once or twice, they will come back to you again during the quiet nights where your mind starts to wonder.

要如何放下？

Be the bigger person

Remember that sarcasm never helps. Don't win a battle just to soothe your ego, and make everything in the future difficult.

Even in the event where it is a clear win in the argument, do not insult your opponent. Be the bigger person, let your opponent lose graciously.

Never ever offend someone just to win, it is never beneficial in the long run.

萬事留一綫，日後好相見。

Have some pride

It's common to want to feel good about yourself.

Unfortunately, the way to do it may not always be an honorable one. Don't put others in an awkward position just to boost your own ego. Putting others down to lift yourself up is despicable.

If you want some pride, do and achieve something worthy of your ego.

Move to the other side

There is always 2 sides (or more) to things. As a natural skeptic, it has always been easy to point out problems, dangers, risks to anything.

Let's have a little change, since it is so convenient to identify the negativity, it should be just a simple thing to flip it around and look at the other side.

Make the effort to switch. I will be the one who sees the silver lining in every dark cloud.

Clear vision

Feeling depressed? Feeling low? Stay focused, remind yourself that this is not a race against others. If you race against others, you are bound to lose, bound to feel bad for what you lack of.

What you lack of is not something that you can control, but what you do for yourself is entirely up to you.

Remember that the only person you are racing aginst is yourself. You may want to give up and feel that since it's only you, it doesn't matter whether you keep up or not. But that is precisely the problem, when you give up on yourself, you are not giving yourself any respect, you end up feeling even worse for yourself, and that is the loop of negativity reinforcement.

Break out of that loop, tell yourself that you will keep moving for yourself, not for anyone else. As long as you keep putting one feet ahead of another, you will keep on moving.

Time to change

I've been called many things: genius, promising young man, smart and fast learner, one who rises up to any challenge. The point is, I have achievements and abilities which many would die for. But why am I unhappy?

I realized it is a matter of perspective: seeing it half empty or half full really does make a difference. The worse of it is, I was trying to justify my pessimism with realism. That was no realism at all, I am fucked up, I am broken.

But I want to get better. There will be no help, because there are no one else good enough to convince my stubborn ass. But why do I need help from others? I already have the best one my side: me. As long as I can convince myself, I will pick myself up. I will fight to be an optimistic, forwarding looking man, who focus on solutions rather than problems, opportunities rather than risks.

I will use my source of negativity as the source of energy. My new optimism shall be the strongest as it is based on my previous pessimism. Putting the baseline at zero, every single step will be an achievement, and it compels you to move forward. Every little thing that you have will be a treasure.

PS. Sometimes, a person's smile, insight to someone's life can make you realize so much. It doesn't matter if the relationship works out in the end, because you have already gained something more important for yourself.

天下无不散之宴席。曲终人散后，梦醒了，才了解自己只不过是普通人一个。

Do not let your paycheck determine your lifestyle

Instead, choose the kind of life you want to lead, and fight for the paycheck to sustain it.

Try

Try: a three letter word which is also probably the biggest and most important. If you try, you stand a chance; if you don't the chance is zero. Simple concept which is easy to understand, but immersely impossible to practise.

Be it the fear of failure or whatever other factors, it is always easier to say that there is no point trying. Because if you don't try, you cannot fail. Zero expectation equals zero disappoontment.

My new found freedom has widened my perspective for several things. Trying is one of them. If I think that my life is expendable, why am I afraid of losing?

To others, it seems that I  often up to the challenge, doing things that others fear. But the fact is, I am better at estimating risks, that's all. Risks which I took are almost always calculated risks, I knew how to win, and I knew exactlty what to say if I lost.

Now, it is time to step out, step up, and go to places which I have never been before.

I don't understand life

每當夜深人靜時，心裏又湧起了莫名的傷。心聲有誰聽，心痛有誰懂？

Everyone sees me as the happy-go-lucky guy – always smiling, laughing, and joking. 心中的無奈有誰知？And there is nothing much I can do but to laugh at everything, even at myself. What else can I do?

Perhaps I am really too greedy, keep on asking for more. Looking at my facebook and blog posts few years back, I have indeed made quite a fair bit of progress. And on a side note, in the previous struggle between ah beng and atas, I actually went on the path of atas unknowingly. But still in my life, I am not at all fulfilled, it feels empty no matter what I do. How do you look for something that you do not know what you are looking for?

Perhaps life is just like that. I’m really sick and tired of life, yet too afraid to die. Meanwhile I can only keep living the way I do, for what else is there left to do?

遇強則強

There are only 2 kinds of reaction when you get into a tough situation: give up, or fight harder.

I guess it's time I realize that I have been a whiny little bitch. With a pessimistic nature, I tend to focus on problems faster than opportunities.

When met with a tough adversary, I tend to conclude that there is no way to win and give up. The funny thing is, I thought I believe in "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Turns out doing what you preach is really hard, and you may not realize that you are not doing what you preach sometimes.

From now on, I have to keep reminding myself to stand and fight. Always stand and fight.

If you conclude that you cannot win each time you see a stronger opponent, you will always be running away. If you run turn away from the fight, you throw away any chance of winning; if you stand and fight, you would still stand a chance, no matter how small. In the end of the day, even if you lose, you would be glad that at least you tried.

Keep the faith

Putting faith in people is the first and deepest mistake that you would ever make - this idea stems from the countless disappointments I have experienced in people.

Yet life is ironic: you cannot do everything alone. Everybody needs support in some point of their life.

The key then, is finding the right people to trust, and keeping the faith that you will be able to find them.

Once too often, people are bound to betray your trust, but that should not be the deterrence to your faith. If you give up on humanity, the real person that you gave up on is yourself.

Keep the faith, and hope that you can find the worthy ones.

When you are down low, keep the faith, and hope that things will get better.

Saw your mail

Yes, we can still be friends.

Never allow short term conditions to affect long term plans

Always identify if your problems are temporary. If they are temporary, manage it, and do not let it swing your direction which will affect your long term plans.

The breakup

Well I guess she should have stopped reading this blog after the harsh meetup we had the last time, it’s time to do a quick summary of why this breakup happened. There are 2 main parts of it: physical and emotional.

I just do not feel that kind of intimacy with her. I suppose the problem of initiating physical contact is common for Singaporean girls, but seriously, it is a problem. Man, as the hornier part of the relationship, would tend to be the one to initiate action in the bedroom. However, a relationship requires mutual effort, the girl should find out and pay attention to things that will make your man tick. He should not be doing a knowledge transfer of what he likes you to do – he might as well write you a user manual. Play your part – ask and find out what are the right buttons to push. I did my part to learn what turns a women on, I know more about women physiology than she does, I do not understand why she can't do the same. To make things worse, she has a problem in taking initiative in the first place, not just in this aspect.

I did something wrong – once. I’m not proud of it, out of temptation, out of curiosity, out of fun – whatever it was, I did it. It did not quite go the way I expected it, somewhat disappointing, but it showed me something important. The final piece that I thought I would look forward to, is not so fantastic. It was not the thing that I thought was missing.

If you fall in love with a second person, pick the second one – because if you truly loved the first, you would not have fallen for the second one. This is painfully true. I have always been saying “如果在家没吃饱，男人就会在外面吃”, coincidentally, there’s a similar English version of this advice to girls: “keep you man’s balls empty”. Granted, it is pretty much an excuse, but the truth is, if a man strays the women has a part to play. If your man is not fulfilled, he is bound to find something that satisfies him.

For the record, no – I did not develop further with the second person after the breakup.

Now the second part: emotional issues. I have mentioned this so much that I feel like an old naggy woman: there is no intelligence (and emotional) compatibility between the both of us. We simply don’t find the same interest: what I find significance in, she doesn’t seem to care or understand; what she finds significance in, I think that they are small and superficial. We simply can’t discuss anything at all. When I’m talking about how something works, why it is this way, how it can be used, how it affected or can affect other things, she is still talking about what it is. She never thinks further.

Working and living in a job like mine, my progress in terms of personal and character development is exponential. In a job like hers, most of what she do is repetitive. Yet she finds it challenging to even keep up with basic technicalities of her job. This means that the gap that already exist will only widen further with time.

The most painful part of the breakup is, I did not breakup because of dispute. That means that the love is still attaching both our hearts, and I had to tear it from the flesh and blood. That’s precisely how it feels.

I agree that the kind of girl that I am looking for is almost impossible to find, but even if she does exist (and available), I would not be a viable candidate to her. Women of intelligence are rare, and they tend to have a habit to proving their intelligence to you. Furthermore, I’m not exactly the kind of guy who would satisfy this kind of women – notice it’s the other way around? I have scored some achievements, but I have always been a big fish in a small pond. In order words, I’m “above average” at best – never the best. Intelligent, strong and independent women would be looking out for man who are strong than them. Even if I manage to maintain the confident front, I am still emotionally unstable and needy in the private space.

But this should not be the reason to be together with her. This isn’t fair to her as I’m treating her as a spare tire, a backup plan. I have wasted 3.5 years of a young girl’s life; I should just be glad that I have finally gathered the courage to put a stop to this mistake. The rest of the problems are mine alone to handle. Drifting, lost, and fighting alone, but at least I am not dragging an innocent party down.

Knowledge and acceptance are different

Knowing the answer and accepting the consequences of the answer are entirely separate issues.

The answer, which is derived from most optimal logic, may result in consequences which is painful to handle.

Interesting, the answers for three of my recent questions are all "no".

It was the most logical decision, but when the question is answered, you are tempted to think of the scenarios on the other side.

Isn't life just like this? Giving up one thing for another because it is the "right" thing to do, yet somehow you hope you could have chosen the thing you gave up.

Oh god why does it hurt so much

I don't understand love at all.

If it was painful to be together, why does it hurt so much when we are finally apart?

Why must two hearts that love each other so much have to be apart?

The urge to come back is so strong, yet I know that it is wrong to carry on the mistake.

I wish that I have never loved before.

Love is a game that I cannot afford to play.

Live through the pain

Live through the pain, remember that this is better for the both of you.

長痛不如短痛。

Yes, the bear and other things brings much sadness.
At the spur of the moment, you might be inclined to think that it is alright, it is not that bad, there must be a way, I really miss her, I don't care I just want to be with her.

But remember why it can't work. Remember the reasons why it cannot carry on.
Remember that it will only hurt more if you continue with this mistake.

Do not think about how much sadness 宝宝 and 熊熊 can cause.
Do not think about how she is taking it.
Do not think about maybe I should give her a chance.
Do not think about she would try harder this time, and it will work out now.

The fact that this relationship has reached this stage, means that none of the above should mean anything.

Recognize and remember that this relationship cannot work out.
When you start thinking about all those times you had together, think about the frustration you had instead.

The bucket list is long...
Her language is pathetic. You love to and have the need to play with language, get grammar correct. She cannot even say proper sentences without pausing to think. Her brain works in shortcuts, shorting to the nearest approximate words to everything.
She do not understand what you are saying almost all the time.
She has no interests other than interest for food.
She is pathetically passive, waiting for things to happen.
She complains about things like she is helpless, yet situations she complains about are actually small things she can change; she complains instead of taking action.
She doesn't get your jokes/hints/philosophies.
Things that you find funny, she doesn't find them funny, she doesn't even understand what they are talking about most of the time.
She doesn't get what is it that you want.
She is immature and childish, and won't grow up because she doesn't see a need to.
The way she handles and plans things makes your blood boil.
She has no plans.
She don't bother to read up, even if she does, she doesn't understand.
She actively reject your teachings.
She finds significance in things that you don't care about, vice versa.
She cares about things only on the surface and doesn't look beyond the surface.
She fails to understand second level logic and the references (both funny and not) that you make and hence unable to link things together.
She doesn't appreciate or understand the beauty of certain stories, and you had to explain story-lines to her.
She is a conversation terminator; she replies everything with orh and never think about anything further.
She focuses on the wrong things in Forrest Gump, Good Will Hunting, Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Imitation Game.
She possess traits that you would define as failure in most of your philosophies.
When you find something funny but when you show it to her, she doesn't understand it at all.
She is so insensitive and passive that she doesn't know how to initiate intimacy.
She doesn't understand what you mean, the problem you have, what you are going through, and hence zero support.
When you go swimming, every other girl is more attractive; when you see other couples; you actually feel jealous.
She doesn't get what you would like to see her dressed in even when you literally told her.
She didn't listen when you explain about things, but only listen when it is posted by someone else online..
You never could relate any lyrics of love songs to her
She does not offer the support, the "Joe you can do it" that you so desperately need..
She looks up to you as a mentor for guidance, but you don't get any form of support from her except her telling you how helpless she is. Relationship is about mutual support..
You don't feel fulfilled in the relationship..
You never really felt the intimacy with her..
Remember that when you really wanted to cry, you didn't cry in front of her.
The strongest person may have the deepest insecurities, she did not see or understand that at all..

What I'm really looking for, is a girl who I can cry in front of, and tell me that "it's alright, I understand what you are going through, and we will face this together". And vice versa, I would be able to do the same for her.

So don't go bother yourself to think about how she's doing, how she's taking it, how she sad would be. Focus on getting yourself better and moving on. She is not your responsibility anymore, you can finally let it go.

Life is meaningless (part 3)

Understanding that life is meaningless is one thing, but living like you don't care is another.

Understanding something doesn't mean that you would not be affected by it.

However, the irony between understanding and feeling brings another revelation.

Precisely because life have no meaning, things that you feel something about tells you clearly that you are affected by it.

Things that you care about then becomes clear.

These tell you a lot more about yourself than you ever knew.

I have always been trying to ignore my emotions and act like I do not care about anything. This is a defence mechanism to act like I will never be affected by anything. But the fact that some things do hurt shows that I am capable of feeling.

I used to think that I am heartless, now I know for a fact that I am not. I may be cold towards certain things, but there are still things which I am affected by emotionally.

This is life, you can't change life

There are things which are out of your control.
There are things which will never go your way.
This is life, in life, you never get what you want; you can only get what life gives you.

It's better this way

If you find yourself envious of others one day, remember why you made the decisions you made.
You didn't want to settle, it is not fair for you, it is not fair for her.
Fighting with a wrong partner is worse than fighting alone.
Do not settle for a wrong partner just for the sake of comfort and fear that there is no more left.
Be strong, remember the pain that being with the wrong partner has brought to the both of you.
Man up and press on.
If life says "then you shall fight alone", I say "so be it".

Why should I press on?

Because people believe in me.
They believe that I can do it.
And true enougn, it isn't really difficult for me.
I should take what I have, to accomplish what others could not.

I'm done with fear

I'm sick of being afraid. It's time that I really play by my rules.

There is nothing that I cannot do.

If death finds me one day, I will welcome him with open arms, and ask "what took you so long?"

You fight alone

Only when you really need someone to talk to, you realize that there is no one.

Because you have been so busy moving on, you have left everyone behind.

Well, being the odd one out isn't always fun. You chose to fight alone, now you have to face it.

You chose to fight alone, because you decided fighting alone is better than fighting with the wrong partner.

Compromising would not help

I know relationship is about compromising for each other.

I know, we tried.

But some things are not meant to be compromised.

Nobody is perfect, you love the good of her, compromise and learn to love the imperfections of her.

The problem is, the good was supposed to be the points which tick the critical checkboxes.

Let's face it, when the good outweigh the bad, you can compromise and love her as a whole package.

But when the good is not what you feel is most important, then the bad would outweigh the good.

I didn't know that it can be so hard

I've never thought that it would hurt so much.

But this is the right thing to do. The differences are just too much.

I knew it all along, lying to myself that we can work things out.

But how could we have worked it out if both of us were not going to change?

In fact, it is wrong to change. If it doesn't fit in the first place, it was not meant to be.

The problem of emotion

The problem of emotion is that it is something temporary which may cause a more than temporary consequence.

At the spur of the moment, you may feel intolerable pain, this pain leads to overwhelming emotions that cloud your judgement and overrule a logical decision that you have made.

Only after the emotions have faded, you realize that the problems still remains, and nothing changes. The worse part is, it annuls the effort you have put in, and you have to redo all over again.

Man will only learn after they make a mistake

The key thing is not to make the same mistake twice.

Doing the right thing can hurt so much

Seems like I may be the more emotional attached one.

Seems like she is the more independent one.

Life has no meaning (part 2)

Life has no meaning. That means life must be unhealthy, right?

Admittedly, the direct answer to that question is yes, you realize that it leads you to several emotional low points in your life.

But, you need to be happy to live. I don't. I've already established this previously.

Just one thing I missed out, I am not a complete sociopath.

Meaning: I am not totally void of emotions.

The facts that I have a big ego, I strive for perfection, and the millions of self created philosophy proved it.

But understanding the "life has no meaning" theory brings a great advantage: you are able to identify why things are important to you, as you know that it is a choice where you consciously attach significance to things. It makes you see clearly and objectively in any given occasion.

On a side note, this process of "knowing that it is a choice" builds on the psychological homeostasis theory that I have postulated some years back.

Life has no meaning

Life has no meaning. Nothing in this world has any meaning.

What is the meaning of life? Wrong question.

What is "meaning"

Meaning is an emotional attachment towards "something". Be it your dog, you child, you wife, or your teddy bear.

It is an attribution.

You don't "find" the meaning of life, you define it. You live to feed your child, you work to give your wife a better life, or you fight to prove that you are better than someone else.

In each of the scenarios, you attach the meaning yourself. If you just strip the emotions off, you would realize that facts are facts, things happen because it happens.

You can of course argue that it is fate that causes events to occur in a particular sequence which leads you to where you are right now. That is because you believe in fate (and hence karma), and you attached the meaning that there is a higher calling behind life.

Let's propose that a higher intelligence exists, which determines how things are design, how you feel love, how living things react and defend for self preservation. That can lead to 2 results:
1. You can't understand this higher intelligence anyway, it doesn't matter
2. Even if it is true, the believe of this higher is just an emotional attachment to it as well

BUT

Life has no meaning means that my life is sad, right?

No.

Admittedly, I have fell in and out of mild depressions where I really did consider ending my life. But I didn't, mostly because I didn't have the courage to end my life.

But life is not sad even though you "find" no meaning in it. The sadness occurs when you define that the meaning of life is to find a meaning of life, and not finding it leads you to disappointments and subsequently depression.

Life is flat, throw away every emotions you can find, and you will realize that facts are facts, everything else are just self attached emotional attributes.

You need to be happy to life. I don't.

One life ends, another begins

There is nothing at the end of the line.
Knowledge, power, fame, money, pain - nothing.
Life has nothing for you.

See it clearly

Clear out your emotions for the moment.
Look at the facts.
Then you will see it clearly.
Compliance is just about matching requirements.
Once you see which checkboxes are ticked and which ones aren't, your decision should become clear.

I make do with whatever I have

I have finally realized my pain.

I refuse to change, unless it is something I deem to be what I like.

But that does not usually align to what I want. Meaning: I may actually have to change to something else in order to achieve what I want.

I finally understand that between what I want to do and what I want, I have to choose one.

Since the choice is made, I have to go through the 5 stages of acceptance to accept my choice.

If I can't accept that, only pain and agony ensue.


There is hardly a choice whereby you don't need to sacrifice one thing for another.

Uncertainties are uncertain

Sometimes, you spend so much time planning about your way forward, you miss out things which are happening right at that moment.

Sometimes, instead of deciding whether you would win or lose before playing, just play the game and let it decide whether you win or lose. The chances of winning may be low, but if you don't play, there is no chance at all.

Take chances, take risks, try something.

Keep your options open, don't decide what will happen before it even started.

Put emotion out of the equation

Facts are facts, there are no emotions.
No matter what you say, it does not change the facts.
Words are subjective; they are merely persuasive tools to manipulate what you think.

It's a cheap shot.

Only power and money matter

Nothing else matters.

Don't wait

Good things come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.

You cannot win

Always remember, no matter how hard you try, how good you think you are, there are people who still have absolute advantage over you.

What happens if you can't accept things the way it is?

Do you try to change it?

But people don't change, they don't change unless they have a compelling reason to change.

Do you remove yourself from such situation then?

Two faces: which one is real?

I tried so hard to maintain a single character. Be it work, family, friends, I will always be myself. I figured that is the right thing to do.

I didn't care if others are leading a hypocritical life, as long as I did my right. I realized I should have cared.

Because sometimes you really need to know whether you can trust a person. You need to find out which face is real.

How?

Your area of interest varies directly with your level of intelligence

Small minds discuss people.
Average minds discuss events.
Great minds discuss ideas.

Why?

Because you can only comprehend what your level of intelligence is capable of understanding.

Give it one more try

Don't give up yet.

Give it one more try, see if the problem is on you or the other.
Have some patience and see it through.

When all that can be done is done, then you can say that you have done your best, there's nothing else left to do.

Sarcasm is not required

Do not says things at the spur of a moment just to soothe your ego. Smart remarks never help in any situations, and it may bring trouble to yourself. Keep your comments to yourself. Smile, nod, agree, and go back to whatever you intended to do.

Don't look back

What has happened cannot be changed.
There is no point in looking back and regret.
Learn from lessons of the past and put your new wisdom to good use.

A little less pessimism, a little less arrogance, a little more perspective

Sometimes when you become too focus on yourself, your perspective gets narrow and you lose sight of the big picture, you tend to get pessimistic and you take things personal.

Sometimes, there are more to things, there are are more to people.

If you only care about showing yourself and winning others, you are bound to lose. Because you are fighting the wrong enemy.

Your enemy is your arrogance, your ego. Overcome that and find productive ways to work with your brethren.

Win as a team, it's a win for everybody.

The System

The system will never be fair - if you wait for the system to be fair to you, it will never happen.

However, you can make things fair for yourself.


You can think of dozens of ways to change the system, but no matter how you change it, it will never be fair.

However, you can bypass the system and make things fair for yourself.

Don't give up

What that may be hurting you may actually be a temporary condition.
Don't give up a long term direction just to alleviate a temporary condition.

Growing up

I realized that I don't really want to grow up.
I think nobody wants that, once they know what it really means to be growing up.

Gaining and sustaining trust

I find myself in an increasingly stressful position recently, increasing stress due to the trusts by so many around me.

Trust is a very powerful thing, it is one thing to gain others’ trusts, but another thing to sustain it.

I’m afraid that I may have over committed. Before I know it, I find the weight of the responsibilities which comes from trusts crushing down on my shoulders. The fear of letting people down is horrible.

I had a small taste of how his position probably feels like.

Salesman often promise the world, but gives you bullshit. That is called false trust. I will not allow that to happen to me. I hope only for the strength to carry the weight, to shine out and fulfill my destiny as the promising young man impression that I have sold.

Basis of Arrogance

Always remember that the basis of arrogance is insecurity.

The need to constantly show that you are better comes from the need to constantly lick your own ego and remind yourself how good you are.

Truly capable individuals have no need to advertise themselves as everyone already know how good they are.

Wait a little longer

Not now, Joe.

Harness your patience, keep your cool; wait a little longer.

让我们红尘作伴，活的潇潇洒洒

Problem Solver

Spotting the problem is easy, it is finding the solution which is difficult.
When you complain about how "this is not the right way to do things", ask yourself "what would you have done if you are the decision maker".

Telling more is not necessarily better

Learning to read your audiences' expressions and stop when you point is already driven across (or rejected) is the key.

Cynicism is bad

Cynicism narrows your mind, keeps your perspective closed.

Sarcasm has been my defensive tool for some time now, I never really realized what it does to me. Sarcasm poisons your mind.

I realized that optimism is not about finding the silver lining in every shit. Optimism is about opening your perspective to see that shit is not the only thing. Keep your mind open for every opportunities that is out there.

Take an example more relevant to myself, I’ve always want to be the rich ass that stays at Cove, spend money like nobody’s business. I learnt quickly that people in high places have acquaintances with the right people who put them in high places, and concluded that my life is bullshit since there is no practical way that I would make such a network.

I complained about my job, the amount of bullshit that it entails. But I failed to truly realize that I am already having the kind of opportunities that many cannot even dream of. My network may be small, but my work gives me the opportunities to know more people.

The fact that I am too young and inexperienced may be dismal, but I should be glad that I have such opportunities at such a young age. By the time I am 30s, I may have the kind of exposure that would make me successful.

Cynicism is bad, it closes your mind to opportunities. You need to keep an opened mind to look at things from all perspectives; you need to keep an opened mind to be successful.

Excuses are bad for you

I realized that one of the problem is I have is how good I am in generating excuses.

This is again the side effect of one of my strengths, which is my ability generate alternatives.

This means that even I begin in any plans, I will seek for an exit strategy first. Should there be an exit strategy, I tend to jump to the conclusion that the chance of succeeding is too low, or the impact of failure is too high, and give up altogether.

This is the first in history that I finally concede that pessimism is bad for you. It is a self-defense mechanism to bluff yourself into believing that everything is bad and will turn out bad, so there is no reason to try, and since there is no reason to try, there is no way to fail. Pessimism eventually slips into cynicism.

The essentially means that I will attempt only things which are proven to work, and dismiss everything else as mission impossible. That also explains why there has not been any groundbreaking achievements in my life.

It’s time I should make that self-proclaimed dare to try attitude into a real one.