Understanding that life is meaningless is one thing, but living like you don't care is another.
Understanding something doesn't mean that you would not be affected by it.
However, the irony between understanding and feeling brings another revelation.
Precisely because life have no meaning, things that you feel something about tells you clearly that you are affected by it.
Things that you care about then becomes clear.
These tell you a lot more about yourself than you ever knew.
I have always been trying to ignore my emotions and act like I do not care about anything. This is a defence mechanism to act like I will never be affected by anything. But the fact that some things do hurt shows that I am capable of feeling.
I used to think that I am heartless, now I know for a fact that I am not. I may be cold towards certain things, but there are still things which I am affected by emotionally.
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