Don't take things personally

Don't take things personally, an advise which we commonly hear, not difficult to practice.

The matter of fact is, it is easy to take things objectively when you have some level of indifference to it. But if it is something that actually matter and affects you consciously or unconsciously, you still tend to react defensively.

Despite my best efforts to stay clear headed in all situations, I still find myself reacting childishly in 2 aspects: attitude towards family, and sensitive towards comments relating to my ability.

Reason for that is actually quite simple, ego and inconfidence.

My family has a culture of being stingy with compliments because of my mom. We never give people the credit they deserve - in fear that they will become over confident. I know it's weird, but true. Hence there is another culture in response to that, we are in a constant need to seek approval from others. And being the youngest child where your opinion almost never matters made things worse. This ultimately led to a comment on me: "你像個小孩子，就是要耍耍脾氣". Which actually is very true, I thought I was standing my ground and making my opinions heard, but in retrospect, that was actually pretty childish of me. I was just trying to seek attention.

There is nothing to prove, and nothing to be won - family is family. At the end of the day, they are the closest that we will have. They are different, and they will behave differently from what I expect from them. And I really should respect that. And respecting that doesn't mean that I have to change to accommodate them, doesn't mean that I have "lost". I took it too personally because I took offence with my ego. There is nothing personally and nothing to win/lose. It's just a part of how people live with each other.

And because of this subconscious need to always prove myself, I also become extremely defensive whenever there are any comments remotely related to my ability. I would try to prove that what I do is complex and of high value, and that I am paid well. Again, there is really nothing to prove. As long as you are satisfied that you are fulfilling your job role, it is good enough, there is nothing to compare. And people weren't trying to attack you with those comments in the first place.

Things that people sometimes say or do were not targeted towards me, but I was over sensitive and made myself the target.