Reflections: Confidence vs Arrogance. Persistence vs Stubborn

Two simple comments from her which made me think: “You’re like living in your own world” and “You like to assume”. I guess I've been receiving too much compliments from a friend, an ex-colleague, and a colleague, who said that I have very mature and deep thinking. But she said “You think that you’re very matured”. I think she was joking when she said it, but there is some truth in it.

My take on Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence is being certain of who you are, and what you are capable of.

Arrogance is when you’re so confident of yourself that you think others are inferior.

My take on Persistence vs Stubborn

Persistence is about having principles, views, or opinions of your own.

Stubborn is when you assume your principles, views, or opinions are always true.

Basically I want to be confident, yet not arrogant; persistent, yet not stubborn.

But I think I have slipped back into arrogance unknowingly.

I think she’s right in saying that I am living in my own world. My knowledge is extremely limited, and my views are narrow-minded. There are too many stuff which I don’t know, and I do not understand; my views are not properly balanced. But the compliments I had recently have made me believe that I know a lot, as if I've seen and know everything. I do know that my views are very extremist, the childish part is: I am actually proud of it.

“You like to assume”. Adding on to the fact that I am living in my own world, I also like to assume. Biggest mistake is that I assumed that I have a good judge of character, and each time I say something about something or someone, I conveniently assumed that I am correct.

How the hell did I let this happen again? I like to describe arrogant people by saying that their “glass” is full, but in actual fact is”我有嘴巴讲别人, 没有嘴巴讲自己”, I have failed to realize that my glass is also full. I should have noticed it when I realize that I find more and more people stupid. I mean really. When you find that everyone else is wrong/stupid, and you’re the only correct one, something must be wrong.

Considering the giant asshole I was in JC, I took great care not to turn back to the asshole I used to be. But it seems I am not able to tame the arrogant bitch in me after all so long. I need to work more on keeping myself in check. The irony is, I was just commenting on another person who tried so hard to change himself into someone he originally wasn't.

I think the first thing I need to do is to reflect on some of the “philosophies” which I have, I need to start acknowledging the good, the miracles, and the nice things in people, instead of assuming that everyone is an asshole by default. Of course, assholes are still everyone, lol. Also, I must do something about being lazy, time to throw this old pest out. Throwing lazy out is quite complicated, but what needs to be done has to be done. I have no idea how, but I think adopting the idea of “what needs to be done has to be done” can be a start.