You are your own scorecard

Often in life, we like to show people things that we do, things that we achieve, things that we learn.

Growing up is when you realize there is no scorecard or result slip.
When you learn something, there is no one to grade you, there is no need to seek approval or satisfaction from anyone.

When you learn something, it's because it makes you a better person, and you need it to be part of you.

Don't take things personally

Don't take things personally, an advise which we commonly hear, not difficult to practice.

The matter of fact is, it is easy to take things objectively when you have some level of indifference to it. But if it is something that actually matter and affects you consciously or unconsciously, you still tend to react defensively.

Despite my best efforts to stay clear headed in all situations, I still find myself reacting childishly in 2 aspects: attitude towards family, and sensitive towards comments relating to my ability.

Reason for that is actually quite simple, ego and inconfidence.

My family has a culture of being stingy with compliments because of my mom. We never give people the credit they deserve - in fear that they will become over confident. I know it's weird, but true. Hence there is another culture in response to that, we are in a constant need to seek approval from others. And being the youngest child where your opinion almost never matters made things worse. This ultimately led to a comment on me: "你像個小孩子，就是要耍耍脾氣". Which actually is very true, I thought I was standing my ground and making my opinions heard, but in retrospect, that was actually pretty childish of me. I was just trying to seek attention.

There is nothing to prove, and nothing to be won - family is family. At the end of the day, they are the closest that we will have. They are different, and they will behave differently from what I expect from them. And I really should respect that. And respecting that doesn't mean that I have to change to accommodate them, doesn't mean that I have "lost". I took it too personally because I took offence with my ego. There is nothing personally and nothing to win/lose. It's just a part of how people live with each other.

And because of this subconscious need to always prove myself, I also become extremely defensive whenever there are any comments remotely related to my ability. I would try to prove that what I do is complex and of high value, and that I am paid well. Again, there is really nothing to prove. As long as you are satisfied that you are fulfilling your job role, it is good enough, there is nothing to compare. And people weren't trying to attack you with those comments in the first place.

Things that people sometimes say or do were not targeted towards me, but I was over sensitive and made myself the target.

Two wrongs doesn't make one right

When someone do something stupid or selfish, it is normal to adopt a 你不仁我不義 stance and respond with equal unpleasantness. However, you may be judged by others who don't know the entire story and attributed for all the misgivings.

But when someone does something that puts you at a disadvantage, how can you protect yourself?

1. 先發制人
Be constantly vigilant and take preemptive strikes the moment you sense something is wrong, before they have the chance to hurt you.

2. 深藏不露
Striking first doesn't mean strike-anyhow. Always make preparations and strike with power and accuracy only when you are ready. Never do or say anything until you are 100% sure.

3. 寧可我負天下人，不可天下人負我
There is really only a small group of people you need to care about: your loved ones, your close friends.
You need to be clear of your circle of trust. Simply put, the only person who I should trust and can understand how I think and feel is her - and that is enough.

While 曹操 may have said this because he's a selfish and narcissistic ass, to me this means that you really only need to care about those who are important to you.
Others are disposable and sacrifice-able when necessary to protect my own interests.
I must stand strong and protect what is most important to me.

Have patience

If you think you know something, don't talk about it.
Play along until you get the full answer.

It is better to know and have others thinking that you don't know about it.
Remember: don't go around showing that you know stuff, because there's nothing to show off - you're just mishandling and leaking out information.

Defer judgement

There's a difference between having an opinion and rubbing your dick in others' face.

太魯莽，太草率。
Too rush, too quick to judge.

This gives the impression that although I am capable, I am too easy to read and too easily influenced.
Either one is bad enough, combination of both is worse. Because not only that I'm easy to be influenced, it's easy for others to know that I'm easily influenced too.

The experienced and wise listens more than they speak.

Only offer your opinion when asked.
Even then, offer only what they need to know of your perspective, not everything.

I was too green, naive, and impatient.
Have not gone through similar incidents.
Was in an impatient mood because of fear of losing opportunities.

To make things worse, I was trying to soothe my own ego by attracting attention to myself. But it was all bad attention.

I was wrong, you cannot draw conclusion based on available information and update later.
You have to see clearly and defer judgement.

Besides, don't judge too soon, some people may not be what they seem like initially.
You may be able to be 80% right based on first impressions, but there is still a 20% chance that they may be better or worse than what you initial think.

Yes, I needed to make quick judgement to decide if I should take the job before the opportunity runs away. But nobody needs to know about what I was thinking about.

I suppose I was really lonely, there was hardly anyone I can talk to.
So I turned to talking everywhere.
But now I am clear that she should be the only one in my circle of confidence.
Finally, I have someone who I can trust, and understand what I'm talking about, and offer advise and opinions on what I'm going through.

謠言止于智者

Still clearing up my reputation from the mood swing I had at work. Took a valuable lesson on information management. And strangely, it felt like a deja vu.

No matter where you go, as long as there are people, there is bound to be politics, gossips, rumours.

When you hear a piece of sensational news, what do you do with this piece of information?

I do the most stupid thing: spread it. Show off that I knew a lot of insider information.

As of the situation now, it doesn't matter if the information was accurate, whether I had been used or not. The key is, I mishandled information.

謠言止于智者。聽就好，不要傳。

Because when you distribute misinformation, it doesn't matter who started it, you will take the blame since you attracted the most attention.

Next time, no matter what you hear, take it with a pinch of salt. Act like you don't know anything at all.