Life is meaningless (part 3)

Understanding that life is meaningless is one thing, but living like you don't care is another.

Understanding something doesn't mean that you would not be affected by it.

However, the irony between understanding and feeling brings another revelation.

Precisely because life have no meaning, things that you feel something about tells you clearly that you are affected by it.

Things that you care about then becomes clear.

These tell you a lot more about yourself than you ever knew.

I have always been trying to ignore my emotions and act like I do not care about anything. This is a defence mechanism to act like I will never be affected by anything. But the fact that some things do hurt shows that I am capable of feeling.

I used to think that I am heartless, now I know for a fact that I am not. I may be cold towards certain things, but there are still things which I am affected by emotionally.

This is life, you can't change life

There are things which are out of your control.
There are things which will never go your way.
This is life, in life, you never get what you want; you can only get what life gives you.

It's better this way

If you find yourself envious of others one day, remember why you made the decisions you made.
You didn't want to settle, it is not fair for you, it is not fair for her.
Fighting with a wrong partner is worse than fighting alone.
Do not settle for a wrong partner just for the sake of comfort and fear that there is no more left.
Be strong, remember the pain that being with the wrong partner has brought to the both of you.
Man up and press on.
If life says "then you shall fight alone", I say "so be it".

Why should I press on?

Because people believe in me.
They believe that I can do it.
And true enougn, it isn't really difficult for me.
I should take what I have, to accomplish what others could not.

I'm done with fear

I'm sick of being afraid. It's time that I really play by my rules.

There is nothing that I cannot do.

If death finds me one day, I will welcome him with open arms, and ask "what took you so long?"

You fight alone

Only when you really need someone to talk to, you realize that there is no one.

Because you have been so busy moving on, you have left everyone behind.

Well, being the odd one out isn't always fun. You chose to fight alone, now you have to face it.

You chose to fight alone, because you decided fighting alone is better than fighting with the wrong partner.

Compromising would not help

I know relationship is about compromising for each other.

I know, we tried.

But some things are not meant to be compromised.

Nobody is perfect, you love the good of her, compromise and learn to love the imperfections of her.

The problem is, the good was supposed to be the points which tick the critical checkboxes.

Let's face it, when the good outweigh the bad, you can compromise and love her as a whole package.

But when the good is not what you feel is most important, then the bad would outweigh the good.

I didn't know that it can be so hard

I've never thought that it would hurt so much.

But this is the right thing to do. The differences are just too much.

I knew it all along, lying to myself that we can work things out.

But how could we have worked it out if both of us were not going to change?

In fact, it is wrong to change. If it doesn't fit in the first place, it was not meant to be.

The problem of emotion

The problem of emotion is that it is something temporary which may cause a more than temporary consequence.

At the spur of the moment, you may feel intolerable pain, this pain leads to overwhelming emotions that cloud your judgement and overrule a logical decision that you have made.

Only after the emotions have faded, you realize that the problems still remains, and nothing changes. The worse part is, it annuls the effort you have put in, and you have to redo all over again.

Man will only learn after they make a mistake

The key thing is not to make the same mistake twice.

Doing the right thing can hurt so much

Seems like I may be the more emotional attached one.

Seems like she is the more independent one.

Life has no meaning (part 2)

Life has no meaning. That means life must be unhealthy, right?

Admittedly, the direct answer to that question is yes, you realize that it leads you to several emotional low points in your life.

But, you need to be happy to live. I don't. I've already established this previously.

Just one thing I missed out, I am not a complete sociopath.

Meaning: I am not totally void of emotions.

The facts that I have a big ego, I strive for perfection, and the millions of self created philosophy proved it.

But understanding the "life has no meaning" theory brings a great advantage: you are able to identify why things are important to you, as you know that it is a choice where you consciously attach significance to things. It makes you see clearly and objectively in any given occasion.

On a side note, this process of "knowing that it is a choice" builds on the psychological homeostasis theory that I have postulated some years back.

Life has no meaning

Life has no meaning. Nothing in this world has any meaning.

What is the meaning of life? Wrong question.

What is "meaning"

Meaning is an emotional attachment towards "something". Be it your dog, you child, you wife, or your teddy bear.

It is an attribution.

You don't "find" the meaning of life, you define it. You live to feed your child, you work to give your wife a better life, or you fight to prove that you are better than someone else.

In each of the scenarios, you attach the meaning yourself. If you just strip the emotions off, you would realize that facts are facts, things happen because it happens.

You can of course argue that it is fate that causes events to occur in a particular sequence which leads you to where you are right now. That is because you believe in fate (and hence karma), and you attached the meaning that there is a higher calling behind life.

Let's propose that a higher intelligence exists, which determines how things are design, how you feel love, how living things react and defend for self preservation. That can lead to 2 results:
1. You can't understand this higher intelligence anyway, it doesn't matter
2. Even if it is true, the believe of this higher is just an emotional attachment to it as well

BUT

Life has no meaning means that my life is sad, right?

No.

Admittedly, I have fell in and out of mild depressions where I really did consider ending my life. But I didn't, mostly because I didn't have the courage to end my life.

But life is not sad even though you "find" no meaning in it. The sadness occurs when you define that the meaning of life is to find a meaning of life, and not finding it leads you to disappointments and subsequently depression.

Life is flat, throw away every emotions you can find, and you will realize that facts are facts, everything else are just self attached emotional attributes.

You need to be happy to life. I don't.

One life ends, another begins

There is nothing at the end of the line.
Knowledge, power, fame, money, pain - nothing.
Life has nothing for you.

See it clearly

Clear out your emotions for the moment.
Look at the facts.
Then you will see it clearly.
Compliance is just about matching requirements.
Once you see which checkboxes are ticked and which ones aren't, your decision should become clear.