Life has been quite crazy since I've started my job. Many questions about my ability has come up once again. There has always been many doubts on my achievements, concentration, determination - which are mostly mediocre at best. Doubts as such lead to questioning of my self worth.
A sweet gesture from my darling tonight manifests as the answer.
I wanted to skip a drinking session with my colleagues and go home for dinner tonight, but I ended up going to drink again. While I was out drinking, my girl helped collect and deliver the jeans I bought the other day.
She travelled so far to my house just to drop the jeans off. If I had decided to go home for dinner, I would have caught her just nice. But I didn't.What more, when I got home, I saw that she bought some titbits for me too. Even as a person lack of emotions, I felt something in my heart.
Then I realized, I've been asking and comparing so much...
She may not be the prettiest, the coolest, nor the smartest; but at the very least, she loves me so deeply, holding me so high in her eyes.
She may not know how to express it, she may be bad at saying it. But now though these sweet gestures I can feel her love. Every time I go drinking, I know she would be worried.
Sometimes, the answers to your questions may not be derived from yourself. While I indulge in self pity, licking my own wounds/ego, there are always people who are proud of what I am made of. For those who believe in me, I should press on and fight - living by the hypocritical philosophies which I have never fulfilled.
